The Great Northern Boozekill
White Ace - £1.69 from almost fucking any corner shop.
First of all, I would like to say that I had originally planned to review White Lightning. But it was sold out. In all the shops in my area.
I find this worrying.
Anyway, hi, I am Ell. I own and write for The Great Northern Blogkill, but today I am lending my services to Sir Nathaniel. I awoke from my slumber at the respectable hour of 6pm, still fatigued from the frivelous festivities that I had taken part in so wholeheartedly. I removed my night-cap and checked my pocketwatch, so as to decide what my agenda was for the day ahead.
Great Scott! My Pocketwatch is broken!
Upon discovering that the sky had darkened and the gentleman and ladies of Edinburgh town had settled in for the night, I realised I had missed most of the day – so I dedicated my time to my studies on fine licquor. A marvellous choice in activity, I find. I dressed for the occasion, going for a shirt and waistocat combination, complemented by tweed trousers.
I donned my large winter coat and top hat, then braved the weather outside. Tally-ho. I returned not half an hour later, with my prize inside a blue plastic bag, courtesy of Mr Abdullah’s fine general store. I have emerged with this concoction, White Ace, which I found to be rather intriquing. Further research must be done!
I first consider the design. It is a lovely, cylindrical bottle of a greenish hue. The label is adorably designed like a deck of cards, with a spade, a heart, a club and a diamon on the front – surrounding the brand name of WHITE ACE, in a plain but impactful font. The price is indicated in an explosion of yellow, exclaiming its low price. Wonderful. The design certainly reflects the class of such a beverage. Shall we take a sip? Let us embark upon this adventure, a journey into the unknown.
I raise the glass to my lips, eager to experience the smooth taste of this fine ‘White Cider’. It tastes like…
What is this?
Where am i?
This…must be stopped. The whole world is at stake. I must stop it!
|BEGONE, FOUL DEMON|
INTO THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM
I returned to my home, in a blur of pain and anguish. I look into the mirror, and see the terror in my face. Will this fear stick with me forever? Shall Ibe plagued eternally by the memories of this night? As I lay down in my bed, I close my eyes. Never to speak of this night again.
Well, wasn’t that fun? Thanks for reading guys, and please check out my blogpage! The website is www.thegreatnorthernblogkill.com and the facebook page is www.facebook.com/thegreatnorthernblogkill . If you are so inclined, also follow me on twitter @TGNBK or on this new myspace malarky new.myspace.com/thegreatnorthernblogkill.
Thanks a lot guys!