|Image from: http://www.eurovisionshop.tv/en/product/media/43/434/official-2-cd-esc-2012|
Ahh, Eurovision. The one time of year where loads of countries in Europe enter musical artists into a contest to see who has the best music in Europe as voted for by the people of Europe.
When I first got the press release asking if I fancy reviewing this because it’ll be “fun”, I said no. I said “I’m sorry but I don’t think my readers want to read about Eurovision” but after conveying this on twitter and facebook, I had quite a few people saying I should do it. So I did.
I realised that this could actually be quite a fun experiment... to test whether every county enters complete and utter shit.
This is disc one:
Albania: Rona Nishilu – Suus
Nice Orchestral backing music but I simply cannot deal with her voice. She sounds like she’s putting way too much effort into it but getting nothing out of it.
Austria: Trackshittaz – Woki Mit Deim Popo
This is what Eurovision is all about. A hilarious European rap group. I haven’t a clue what the hell they’re rapping about but judging by the name Trackshittaz they’re not taking things too seriously! Actually quite cool electronic backing music and skilled rappers. I tried translating the name of the track from German but it doesn’t work. I can only presume Popo is police.
Azerbaijan: Sabrina Babayeva – When The Music Dies
Wow. The host country has actually made an effort in picking someone who can sing. Sabrina Babayeva is a decent enough singer, has some great backing music yet again but I don’t like the “Oh-oh”s in the background and I don’t like the song.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Maya Sar – Korake Ti Znam
Well, I like this woman’s voice. The problem I’m having is that this is the third song on the album that has pretty much the same bloody backing track. If this continues, I’ll be pissed off.
Belgium: Iris – Would You
Oh shit. She’s gone for the same backing music yet again but with some effortless acoustic guitars. Christ almighty. The song is so depressing as well. She almost reminds me of Vanessa Carlton. I dunno, I suppose it’s a good enough pop song.
Bulgaria: Sofi Marinova – Love Unlimited
A dance track that sounds like someone has made it on EJay. You know EJay, right? It’s the ‘fun’ music creation software that you used to get free with PC magazines years ago. The vocals don’t match the music, though. The vocals need to be more electronic and upbeat. A lot faster too.
Belarus: Litesound – We Are The Heroes
I’m going to lose a lot of respect for saying this but fuck it... I actually like this track because it’s so catchy. Also, it’s funny when they sing “Winners” because it sounds like “Wieners”.
Switzerland: Sinplus – Unbreakable
When I read the name Sinplus, I automatically though it was going to be a woman especially considering the title of the song is Unbreakable. This is actually half-decent though. He’s a fairly decent singer with alright music in the background.
Cyprus: Ivi Adamou – La La Love
YES! THIS IS EUROVISION ALL OVER! It’s a cheesy pop song. Admittedly it’s not my sort of thing but it’s Eurovision’s sort of thing. It’s complete euro-pop. This is what’s necessary after listening to so many goddamn depressing songs. It’s upbeat and catchy. La La Love. Fuck yes!
Germany: Roman Lob – Standing Still
Another love song. What a surprise. German pop music I’ve usually found to be a lot more cheerful but not this. I don’t care if you’re standing still or whatever. Don’t just stand still, fucking dance.
Denmark: Soluna Samay – Should’ve Known Better
Musically it’s way too simple. She’s an alright singer. I’m running out of things to say about any of these songs. Another depressing one.
Estonia: Ott Lepland – Kuula
Slow pianos? Check. Slow, depressing singer? Check. Just like most of the songs I’ve heard so far? Check. He’s not even a good singer.
Spain: Pastora Soler – Quedate Conmigo (Stay With Me)
Seriously, Spain? You can do better than this. Even if it is a cheesy pop song like most of your entries. I’m not enjoying this.
Finland: Pernilla – Nar Jag Blundar
It’s not Lordi.
France: Anggun – Echo (You and I)
I never thought I’d say this but France has a decent enough dance entry. Starting with a rather hilarious guy saying “Boom boom” a few times. The female vocalist seems to be switching between singing in French and English which I’m not comfortable with. Stick to one language please.
United Kingdom: Engelbert Humperdinck – Love Will Set You Free
Go away Engelbert. Go away BBC voters. Granted it’s better than most of our recent entries but still. Go away. I don’t like it. You’re old. Why can’t we have a musical artist who sounds like they actually give a shit? We’ll never win. Also, he’s basically saying that not everyone will find love therefore they’ll have a shit life. Fuck off.
Georgia: Anri Jokhadze – I’m A Joker
Well I thought this was just going to be some kind of opera prick but that goes into a weird dance beat vibe. This guy is hilarious. He really is a joker. Or just a joke. I can’t figure out which. I like it though. Well done, Georgia.
Greece: Eleftheria Eleftheriou – Aphrodisiac
At first, it sounds like Eastern European folk music but then it goes into a dance type thing. I suppose this is what Eurovision needs to be yet again. I can never take this kind of music seriously. At least it’s not depressing.
Croatia: Nina Badric – Nebo
Acoustic guitars, violins and a horrible echo on the mic. I don’t like it.
Hungary: Compact Disco – Sound of our Hearts
Electronic but depressing. Not even good electronic, yet again. I suppose the guy can sing. Just stop being depressing.
Ireland: Jedward – Waterline
It’s Jedward. Fuck off.
To summarise disc one: Most songs sound exactly the same, Lordi aren't playing for Finland and Jedward are playing for Ireland.
My favourite track on the first disc has to be Austria's entry, Trackshittaz. Just because it's hilarious.
What was your favourite track?
Stay tuned for disc two...